Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
