I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
