And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
