I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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