I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I forget how to act sober
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
