Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
