its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I die, sorry about rent.
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