i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
