I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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