I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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