What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
