I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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