When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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