I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
