look no pants
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
