I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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