My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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