Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
