I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
