dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
