If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
