I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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