i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
