Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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