: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
