One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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