I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
