Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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