jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize