my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
