im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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