brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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