she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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