I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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