I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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