I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
