I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
either way he was missing a nipple.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
