Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
