I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
