Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
