well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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