need another drink. this is the easiest way
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
