Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
