she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize