HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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