All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
