Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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