The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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