i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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