We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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