Dual....:-)
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
