dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
