somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
