this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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