Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
