onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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