if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
