I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
