so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
