i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
