I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
