apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
