Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
