i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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