He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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