The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
