I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
