Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
