and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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