Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
