As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
