I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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