Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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