i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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